yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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