I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
