Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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