Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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