I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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