Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
