So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry about my life...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
