If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
