Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
