His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
