I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
