This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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