so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
