Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize