11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
