I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
