Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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