Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
