I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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