dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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