it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
