Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
