when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
