The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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