she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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