I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
