I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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