I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
