so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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