break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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