Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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