why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
