and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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