We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
