I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize