Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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