hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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