What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
