i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
