i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
