my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
