Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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