So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
