Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
