thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
