Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize