I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
