before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
