i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
