WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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