Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
