There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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