woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
