I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize