I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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