mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
