no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
