it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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