the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
