what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
