take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
