i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
