you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
