I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
