Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
