i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
