i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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