you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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