he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
