I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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