Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
