he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize